I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
