Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
