there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
