you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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