Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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