i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
