You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
