I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
