and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
