I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
