So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
