well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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