yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
dude. I can hear the air.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
