Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
