I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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