What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Quick, to the slutcave!
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
