The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
