who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
