She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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