PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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