When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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