All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Randomize
