if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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