let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
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