he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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