Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
