Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
