how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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