her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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