It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
40s are totally the cure
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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