Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Randomize
