If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
