Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Randomize
