You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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