fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
