doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
