FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
