Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
