Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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