I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
