she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
