He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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