Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
