You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
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