everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
