True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
