Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
