I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I just found a bag of teeth...
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
