not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
