It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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