Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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