I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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