I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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