I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
