okay pat passed out under dana's car
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
We got so high we made milksteak
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Randomize
