If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
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