Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
