I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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