is your mom at the bar?
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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